When Someone You Know Becomes Dangerous: Recognizing Escalating Behavior

We often think of danger as something that comes from strangers. The reality is different. Most victims of violent crime know their attacker. The neighbor who seemed a little off. The coworker who made everyone uncomfortable. The family member whose behavior grew increasingly erratic. The acquaintance who could not handle rejection.

Learning to recognize when someone is escalating toward violence can save lives. This is not about paranoia or treating everyone as a threat. It is about understanding behavioral patterns that precede violence and knowing when to take action.

The Pathway to Violence

Violence rarely emerges from nowhere. Research on targeted violence shows that attackers typically follow a progression of behaviors before they act. Understanding this pathway helps identify intervention points.

Grievance

The pathway often begins with a grievance, real or perceived. The person feels wronged, humiliated, or unfairly treated. They may have experienced job loss, relationship rejection, public embarrassment, or perceived disrespect. The grievance becomes central to their thinking.

Pay attention when someone fixates on a wrong done to them. Occasional complaints are normal. Obsessive focus that persists and intensifies is not.

Ideation

The person begins considering violence as a solution to their grievance. They may make statements like “someone should teach them a lesson” or “they will be sorry.” They may express admiration for people who committed violent acts. They may research violence, weapons, or specific targets.

Violent ideation does not guarantee violent action, but it represents a significant escalation from grievance alone.

Planning

If ideation continues, the person may begin planning. They gather information about targets. They acquire weapons or materials. They conduct surveillance or practice. They put affairs in order or give away possessions. Planning transforms abstract ideation into concrete preparation.

Action

The final stage is the violent act itself. By this point, intervention opportunities have passed. The goal of threat assessment is to identify and interrupt the pathway before this stage.

Warning Signs to Watch For

Certain behavioral changes warrant concern, especially when multiple signs appear together or when behavior escalates over time.

Threatening Statements

Direct threats are obvious warning signs, but indirect threats matter too. Statements like “they will get what is coming to them” or “I cannot take much more of this” signal dangerous thinking. References to past acts of violence with approval should alarm you.

Take all threats seriously. The myth that people who talk about violence never act is demonstrably false. Many attackers telegraph their intentions beforehand.

Fixation on Weapons

Sudden interest in weapons, especially combined with other warning signs, is concerning. This includes purchasing firearms, researching bomb-making, collecting knives, or frequently discussing weapons. It also includes practicing with weapons or showing them to others.

Dramatic Behavioral Changes

People on the pathway to violence often show significant behavioral shifts. Someone normally calm becomes volatile. Someone socially active withdraws completely. Someone careful about appearance stops grooming. Sleep patterns, eating habits, and work performance may deteriorate.

These changes alone do not indicate violence, but combined with other factors, they signal distress that could escalate.

Paranoid Thinking

Escalating paranoia often precedes violence. The person believes others are conspiring against them. They see threats and insults where none exist. They interpret neutral events as personal attacks. This distorted thinking can justify violence in their mind as self-defense.

Loss of Future Orientation

People planning violence sometimes stop thinking about the future. They may give away prized possessions. They may settle debts or make amends. They may make statements suggesting they do not expect to be around. This hopelessness removes a key barrier to violent action.

Identification with Past Attackers

Warning signs include expressing admiration for mass shooters, serial killers, or other violent individuals. The person may research past attacks extensively, collect memorabilia, or identify personally with attackers. They may see themselves as similar or wish they had the courage to do what the attacker did.

Specific Contexts

Warning signs manifest differently in different contexts.

Workplace Violence

Coworkers who show concerning behavior often have documented performance problems, conflicts with colleagues, or disciplinary issues. They may blame others for their failures. They may make veiled threats about what will happen if they are terminated. They may hold grudges against specific individuals or the organization broadly.

After termination or discipline, watch for continued contact with the workplace. Former employees who linger, send threatening messages, or stalk former colleagues pose elevated risk.

Domestic and Family Settings

Family members showing concerning behavior may have histories of domestic violence, substance abuse, or mental health crises. Escalation often follows relationship breakdown, custody disputes, or family conflicts. Threats against specific family members should be taken seriously.

Access to weapons, previous violence, and statements about having nothing left to lose all elevate risk.

Neighbor and Community Concerns

Concerning neighbors may have frequent conflicts with others in the community. They may accumulate weapons visibly. They may express extremist ideologies or hatred toward specific groups. They may exhibit signs of deteriorating mental health without accessing treatment.

What To Do

If you observe warning signs in someone you know, you have options.

Trust Your Instincts

If someone makes you uncomfortable, take that feeling seriously. Do not dismiss intuition because you cannot articulate exactly what is wrong. Your brain processes threat cues that your conscious mind may not recognize.

Document Concerns

Keep records of threatening statements, concerning behaviors, and specific incidents. Note dates, times, locations, and witnesses. This documentation helps if you need to involve authorities or workplace security.

Report Appropriately

In workplace settings, report concerns to human resources, security, or management. Most organizations have threat assessment protocols. In community settings, contact local law enforcement. For family situations, consider consulting with domestic violence advocates.

You do not need certainty that violence will occur to report concerns. Threat assessment professionals can evaluate risk based on the full picture. Your report may be the piece of information that enables intervention.

Create Distance

If possible, limit your exposure to the person. This may mean changing routines, avoiding certain locations, or ending the relationship. Your safety matters more than avoiding awkwardness.

Take Threats Seriously

Never dismiss a direct threat. “He is just venting” and “she would never really do it” have preceded countless tragedies. Report threats to appropriate authorities and take protective action.

The Role of Intervention

Early intervention can prevent violence. When concerning behavior is identified and addressed before it escalates, tragedies can be avoided.

Mental health treatment can help someone in crisis. Workplace intervention can address grievances before they fester. Family support can stabilize someone on the edge. Legal intervention can restrict access to weapons and create consequences for threatening behavior.

Intervention works best when it happens early. By the time someone is deeply committed to a violent plan, interruption becomes much harder. This is why recognizing warning signs early matters so much.

A Responsibility We Share

Preventing violence is a collective responsibility. We cannot prevent every tragedy, but we can pay attention, take concerns seriously, and speak up when something is wrong.

Most people who show warning signs never become violent. Reporting concerns is not about condemning someone but about ensuring they get help and that potential targets are protected. The discomfort of speaking up is nothing compared to the devastation of preventable violence.

Be aware. Be willing to act. You might save a life.

Written by Jenny Montoya M.A. Forensic Psychology

If you believe someone poses an immediate threat, call 911. For non-emergency concerns about potential violence, contact local law enforcement or the FBI tip line at 1-800-CALL-FBI.